Freeindeed Anonymous
Step 1
We admitted we were powerless over our addiction and destructive patterns, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Day before Pesach Eve - Reading: Exodus 12
From Slavery to Freedom
Slavery in its various forms doesn’t stop to show its ugly face every single day. Only when we are at a point in our lives, where we admit our powerlessness over our addiction and / or destructive and compulsive habits, we are to take the choice for life instead death and blessing instead curse.
We can start to believe that there is a power greater than ourselves, for me it is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, and Yeshua, who paid the price for my sin at my place, so I can enjoy real freedom in my relationship with God.
The Israelite’s started to believe that God could and would bring them out of Egypt. From slavery into freedom, from darkness into light. Their part was to put the blood of the lamb on their doorposts and to roast the meat over a fire. After coming to an end to free ourselves from the bondage of addiction and other destructive and dysfunctional habits, by our own effort, strength and willpower, we realize, “that God could and would” if we surrender and let Him do, what only HE can do, to set us free in the process we call recovery.
Exodus 12, 14 “This day is to be a memorial for you. You are to keep it as a feast to Adonai. Throughout your generations you are to keep it as an eternal ordinance. 15 For seven days you are to eat matzoth, but on the first day you must remove hametz from your houses, for whoever eats hametz from the first day until the seventh day, that soul will be cut off from Israel.”
Hametz is also used as an example for “sin”, ego, pride and arrogance.
That’s the very reason why we should observe in our homes, that there is no Hametz left before Pesach Eve and the following seven days.
Exodus 12, 14 “This day is to be a memorial for you. You are to keep it as a feast to Adonai. Throughout your generations you are to keep it as an eternal ordinance. 15 For seven days you are to eat matzoth, but on the first day you must remove hametz from your house for whoever eats hametz from the first day until the seventh day, that soul will be cut off from Israel.”
Freedom through God’s redemptive power
Freeindeed Anonymous
Dear friends,
I would like to share with you some information about the recent months, especially how life has changed for Gabi and me. After it became clear at the end of July 2025 that our company was coming to an end and we decided to liquidate the business by December 31, 2025, a great deal has happened. Internally and externally a lot has collapsed. People, companions, colleagues, suddenly turned against us, including lies and deceit. Fortunately, there were also people—friends and employees—who stood by us in a special way, whose loyalty stood out in a remarkable way. Thank you to you all!
Many hurdles and pains; the liquidation of our business has cost a lot. I never would have believed how much bureaucracy one can be overwhelmed by in Germany, how one feels exploited by the state, how contracts suddenly do not apply as agreed and are arbitrarily changed to our disadvantage with substantial additional costs, and how we were taken advantage of by the greed of former employees. Theft and burglary at our former office were also something we had to endure. That took a lot of strength and caused some pain. The relocation also proved to be very challenging. Our new landlord confronted us with deceit and a lot of manipulation we never expected. In addition, there were problems in the family and in our marriage.
How did we cope with this? How did we deal with it?
Attending the various 12‑Step groups helped us a lot, to repeatedly bow our knees in painful situations and to fully turn to God for help, to submit to the Almighty, and to continually beg for HIS grace and help in prayer; only this helped us to manage the difficult circumstances, which often went beyond our means. The psalms, in particular, brought their power to light through God’s work in us, and we repeatedly experienced God’s Shalom.
To Him, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, Yeshua, be all glory, worship, and thanks!
How are we now, and how do we want to shape our future together with God? What possibilities are on the horizon?
God provides for us wonderfully and has given us a lot of help to cope with, and in part bring to a good end, the difficulties in liquidating our business. Since last year I completed my studies in the USA to become a “Professional Life Coach,” and I would like to build my coaching offer in the areas of Business and Recovery, focused on and in Israel, where we hope to live entirely in about a year and a half. Initial conversations in Tiberias seem positive, in my view. I would also like to establish a FreeInDeed 12‑Step group in the area of “Sexual Integrity” in Jerusalem this year. What particularly excites me are the hopefully more regular and frequent group meetings at the AZHouse, a 12‑Step rehab facility in Jerusalem, where I feel very comfortable and almost at home. I would also like to establish a FreeInDeed 12‑Step group in Beersheba and in various prisons in Israel. Of course, I am also happy to regularly attend my Friday morning AA meeting and Wednesday evening NA meeting again after the war. I miss each and every one of you in these two groups, which feel like family to me. God’s Shalom will lead us and show us what His will is and give us the strength to do His will in love and gratitude.
We would be very grateful if you would support us in prayer.
In this sense, be richly blessed, Shalom, Joachim and Gabi
Freeindeed Anonymous
Step 1
We admitted we were powerless over our addiction and destructive patterns, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Day 2 - Reading Today: Psalm 13, 2-5, - Nissan 2nd
No Way out?
How long, Adonai? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long must I have cares in my soul and daily sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
Look at me and answer, Adonai my God. Light up my eyes, or I will sleep in death. Or else my enemy will say: “I have overcome him!” and my foes will rejoice because I am shaken.
Abandoned, isolated, and alone, deep doubts in my heart, fear bordering on death. As an addict, I know this state all too well, this stage of taking the first step for some of us.
Our mind is captured by thoughts like: how much longer? Will this misery ever end? I can't go on, I'm giving up, none of this makes sense anymore.
Is there any hope at all? Maybe there really is such a thing as God? If HE truly exists, will HE help me?
“Please help me, turn to me, if you even want me?”
Someone like me, full of guilt, shame, and filth, dejected, isolated, and at the end of my rope.
In the midst of utter darkness and surrender to my addiction, a spark of hope begins to shine in the distance.
Perhaps my first AA, NA, or FIDA meeting, an unexpected parole, release from prison—whatever that spark of hope in your life may be, for God, there is no hopeless case!
Chose Life, the Almighty is with you!
Freeindeed Anonymous
STEP 1
We admitted we were powerless over our addiction and destructive patterns, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Reading Today: 2 Kings 5:1-15
A Humble Beginning
Admitting Powerlessness is a painful deep cut in our being. We realize that there is no option left by ourselves to fix our problem. We lost control over our lives. If we refuse to admit our powerlessness and the unmanageability to manage our lives, we may lose everything, even our life. Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous put it succinctly: the end is prison, psychiatric hospital, or death.
The experiences of a man named Naaman illustrate how this is true (2 Kings 5:1-15). He was a powerful military and political figure, a man of wealth, position, and power. He also had leprosy, which promised to bring about the loss of everything he held dear. Lepers were made outcasts from their families and society. Ultimately, they faced a slow, painful, and disgraceful death.
Naaman heard that there was a prophet in Israel who could heal him. He found the prophet and was told that in order to be healed he needed to dip himself seven times in the Jordan River.
He went away outraged, having expected his power to buy him an instant and easy cure.
This is an exact description of our addictive nature: isn't there a simpler solution?
In the end, however, he acknowledged his powerlessness, followed the instructions, and recovered completely.
Our “disease” is as life threatening as the leprosy in Naaman's day.
There is no instant or easy cure. The only answer is to admit our powerlessness, humble ourselves, and submit to the process that will eventually bring us recovery.
Freeindeed Anonymous
SCHRITT EINS
Wir gaben zu, dass wir unserer Sucht und unseren destruktiven Verhaltensmustern machtlos gegenüberstanden und dass unser Leben unkontrollierbar geworden war.
Lesung für heute: 2. Könige 5,1–15
Ein demütiger Beginn
Das Eingestehen von Machtlosigkeit ist ein schmerzhafter, tiefer Einschnitt in unser innerstes Wesen. Wir erkennen, dass wir aus eigener Kraft keine Möglichkeit mehr haben, unser Problem zu lösen. Wir haben die Kontrolle über unser Leben verloren. Wenn wir uns weigern, unsere Machtlosigkeit und die Unfähigkeit, unser Leben zu meistern, einzugestehen, könnten wir alles verlieren, sogar unser Leben. Die Anonymen Alkoholiker und die Anonymen Drogenabhängigen bringen es auf den Punkt: Das Ende ist das Gefängnis, die psychiatrische Klinik oder der Tod.
Die Erfahrungen eines Mannes namens Naaman veranschaulichen, wie wahr dies ist (2. Könige 5,1–15). Er war eine mächtige militärische und politische Persönlichkeit, ein Mann von Reichtum, Ansehen und Macht. Er litt zudem an Lepra, was den Verlust all dessen bedeutete, was ihm lieb und teuer war. Leprakranke wurden aus ihren Familien und der Gesellschaft ausgestoßen. Letztendlich erwartete sie ein langsamer, schmerzhafter und schändlicher Tod.
Naaman hörte, dass es in Israel einen Propheten gab, der ihn heilen konnte. Er fand den Propheten und erfuhr, dass er sich siebenmal im Jordan baden müsse, um geheilt zu werden.
Er ging empört davon, da er erwartet hatte, dass seine angesehene Stellung ihm eine sofortige und einfache Heilung verschaffen würde.
Dies ist eine treffende Beschreibung unserer Suchtnatur: Gibt es nicht eine einfachere Lösung?
Letztendlich erkannte er jedoch seine Machtlosigkeit an, befolgte die Anweisungen und wurde vollständig geheilt.
Unsere „Krankheit“ ist ebenso lebensbedrohlich wie die Lepra zu Naamans Zeiten.
Es gibt keine sofortige oder einfache Heilung. Die einzige Antwort besteht darin, unsere Machtlosigkeit einzugestehen, uns zu demütigen und uns dem Prozess zu unterwerfen, der uns schließlich zur Genesung führen wird.
Übersetzt mit DeepL.com (kostenlose Version)
Freeindeed Anonymous
13. März 2026
Hello dear friends, dear family,
Today, March 13, 2026, I celebrate with deep gratitude that I have been free from alcohol, drugs, and other mind-altering substances for 42 years. Deep down, with every fiber of my being, I know that this is not my own doing.
God's grace has worked within me; His love, faithfulness, steadfastness, and reliability have brought this about.
After realizing on my first night in jail in Berlin that everything I had tried so far had failed, I was able to take the first step and admit that I was powerless over my addiction and had no plan to get my life under control. That very night, I prayed: "God, if there really is someone like you, please help me!"
Miraculously, I was released from jail on parole. I went to as many AA meetings as possible every day, sometimes several a day, simply to avoid taking anything. After a relapse on March 12, 1984, in Darmstadt, I finally had to surrender to God, as I understood Him at the time, and to my addiction. Tearfully, I surrendered to God and my addiction on a tram, realizing that even though I did everything in my power to stay sober and clean, including daily AA Meetings, I couldn't do it alone. So, I prayed: "God, I simply can't do it alone, no matter what I do. I am ready to do everything within my power to stay sober and clean; please take over the rest, please do for me that I cannot do, so that I no longer have to drink and take drugs. Even if I have to eat the putty from the windows, I will, but please do what I cannot, help me!"
Since that day, March 13, 1984, I have been free from mind-altering substances.
A passage from the Torah has been a constant thread throughout my life:
"Deuteronomy 30:19-20, 'I call the heavens and the earth to witness about you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore, choose life so that you and your descendants may live, by loving Adonai your God, listening to His voice, and clinging to Him. For He is your life and the length of your days, that you may dwell on the land that Adonai swore to your fathers—to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob—to give them.'"
With deep gratitude, to the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and to Yeshua Ha'Mashiach, and to my AA and NA Homegroup in Jerusalem, Joachim
Freeindeed Anonymous
Dear family, friends, and interested readers,
before I start my report about the AZHouse, I’ve got sad news about the Russian Messianic Rehabilitation Center in Beersheva. I can only guess what happened in detail and cannot truly understand it, as I lack crucial information. I was fired in Tel Aviv after I tried to help a co-worker who had expressed interest in a 12-step group for women establish a group amid the drug scene. It quickly became clear that this co-worker essentially had no time and, therefore, was unwilling to invest time in getting to know a 12-step group. Instead, they tried to integrate me into the existing religious system, which completely contradicts the independence of a 12-step group and the 12 traditions. I even dared to criticize the religious system, which I couldn't get along with at all and which, in my view, did not agree with the Word of God in essential areas. I stated that I could not agree to the conditions because they contradicted the spirit of a 12-step group and that without personal investment, which also requires time, no meeting could take place. I don't know what the employee told the director and founder about what I told her, but in any case, I was kicked out without asking or consulting me. I explicitly requested a personal meeting in Beersheva twice but was denied. My experience in more than 40 years of freedom from mind-altering drugs is that where one door closes, God at least opens another. I’m still unhappy and sad about this development, because I somehow did fall in love with the guys in Beersheva, especially when I could realize how hearts in chain started to get set free and the guys starting to open up and sharing their experience.
I am happy to report back to you from my shared experience, strength and hope this Sunday at the AZHouse 12 Step Rehab Center in Jerusalem.
Honesty, rigorous honesty was the topic today. We talked about a passage in the Big Book: “RARELY have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.”
We talked about, that building a stable foundation for our long-term recovery is only possible with radical honesty towards ourselves, God and other people.
No matter where we are right now in our recovery, by listening to others sharing in the meetings, we find out we are no longer alone any more, the wall of isolation is to break down if we continue our recovery in the 12 Step program and develop our personal relationship with God day by day, “Just For Today”.
We also talked about that every one of us is a miracle, when we are clean and sober today. It would be our “normal” condition to use mind altering substances or drink, ending up in institutions, jail or death.
Like the eternal truth, the word of God is telling us: “John 8:32 … you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Please pray for me, I’m going through a lot of fundamental changes in my life right now like shutting my business down, moving from one place to another, following my calling to Israel and building up a new business as a “Licensed Professional Life Coach”.
Connected in Gods grace, Shalom Joachim
Freeindeed Anonymous
Fifth step
We have confessed to God, to ourselves, and to another person the true nature of our wrongs.
FreeInDeed Version of Step 5:
We confessed to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our sins, shortcomings and character defects.
The Tree of Life Translation Psalm 32:5
"Then I confessed my sin to God and hid not my iniquity. I said, "I confess my transgressions to Adonai," and You have forgiven the guilt of my sin."
Denial leads to slavery
From. TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS by AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, Page 6
What do we get from Step Five? The beginning of true kinship with man and God, Loss of the sense of separateness, Receiving forgiveness and giving it; Learn humility: Be honest and realistic about yourself. The need for complete honesty.
Page 59: "We need outside help if we want to know and recognize the truth about ourselves—the help of God and another person. Only by discussing ourselves, by holding nothing back, only by being willing to listen to counsel and take directions, can we embark on the path of direct thinking, firm honesty, and genuine humility."
Page 60: "When we are honest with another person, it confirms that we have been honest with ourselves and with God."
To live in denial is to live dishonestly. How many times did I have to we lied to ourselves and others, saying, "I can stop at any time I want!" or: "I have the right to choose how to live my way Or My behavior does not affect anyone but Me!" When we asserted our freedom to live the way we wanted, we soon lost the freedom to choose anything except our dependence; We have become enslaved by him.
The spiritual forces that influence our lives are rooted in the truth or deception. Truth leads to freedom, deception to slavery and death. Denial is the lie that keeps us in bondage. When We Become Slaves Addictions make us lose the right to choose any other way of life. This is Only when we overcome denial, when we become brutally honest About our slavery, about the fact that there is at least some chance for real freedom. Denial keeps us in bondage to our vices, confessions leads us to recovery and freedom.
As always, I was very happy to see the guys at AZHouse on Sunday, August 17, 2025. I love the fellowship with the guys and the guys themselves. It is a deep joy to see how people marked by addiction and self-destruction get a sparkle in their eyes again and hope becomes visible, how God's grace meets them in the 12 steps and recovery becomes a visible experience. Sharing experience, strength, and hope in relation to the 5th step was what this Sunday was all about.
Step 5 We admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
One of the main topics was radical honesty. We reminded ourselves that “we are as sick as the secrets we keep.”
The main thing we gain through radical honesty with God, ourselves, and another human being is freedom, and freedom is part of our dignity, which we did not experience in the past when we were drinking and using drugs or enslaved to various other addictions, basically to sin.
Obstacles on our way to becoming truly honest are fear of being found out and other anxieties, shame, and criminal activities in the past.
But trusting in God our Creator is the best way to approach Step 5. A friend at last Friday morning's meeting shared from his experience that “truth without compassion is abuse.” How true. If we are guided by our selfishness and use the truth to make things easier for ourselves at the expense of others, then we are doing the opposite of what is said in Step 9: “... we made amends to all, except where to do so would have been harmful to them or to others.”
For those who, like me, tend to believe in the God of Israel, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, or already live in this faith, I brought along verse 5 from Psalm 32 as an example from the Tanakh, which reads as follows in the translation from CHABAD.ORG:
"I would inform You of my sin, and I did not conceal my iniquity; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,’ and You forgave the iniquity of my sin forever."
Two guys asked what sin was, and other guys gave the explanation. And that is exactly what Step 5 is all about: getting out of our isolation, realizing that I no longer must figure everything out on my own, that I don't have to know everything myself, that I am no longer alone, that the community in the 12-step groups is bigger than me and helps me to learn. I have no longer to hide or pretend; others feel the same way I do.
In Beersheva, I encountered completely different challenges. I shared my experiences with Step 5, and we discussed Psalm 32:5: “Then I acknowledged my sin to You and did not hide my iniquity. I said, ‘I confess my transgressions to Adonai,’ and You forgave the guilt of my sin.”
Someone shared their fear of trusting the wrong person and suffering abuse of trust, harm, and hurt as a result. We shared our experiences that, for example, a pastor or counselor, coach, is bound by professional confidentiality and only in exceptional cases in connection with crimes is their confidentiality waived by law. We also talked about how there is no rule for finding a trusted person, a sponsor, because we are all different personalities with different stories. The best thing concerning to this issue is to pray, watch and to be patient. One participant vehemently disagreed, saying that it is enough to be honest with God and that there is no need to confess your sins, character flaws, and evil deeds to another person. All the rebellion that had enslaved his life had broken through, and I made it clear that Step 5 is basically about life and death, because we are as broken and sick as the secrets we hold hidden inside us. God holds us responsible for making a decision, for making a choice, as described in the Tanakh when Moses said to the Israelites: You have the choice, life or death, blessing or curse, decide for yourselves!
Each of us comes to a point where we must take a decision: life or death, blessing or curse, the choice is ours. God's will is in accordance with the statements in the Tanakh and in the Good News that we should choose life and recognize that His rules for a pure, good, holy, and blessed life are nothing but good for us. We can experience freedom from sin in Yeshua, because He paid the price for sin, death, on the cross in our place so that we can live in unbroken fellowship with God.
Thank you for your prayers, which give me courage, strength, and confidence. Please also pray for the brother who is a slave to his rebellion and does not want to recognize this in his fear of real freedom and life.
Thank you, Yours in Him, Shalom Joachim.
Freeindeed Anonymous
Hello dear friends, fellow campaigners, and supporters of FreeInDeed!
On Sunday, August 10th, I was back at the AZHouse in Jerusalem and then at the Messianic Russian Rehabilitation Center in Beersheva.
Our theme: worst destructive habits
As addicts, we reacted to our substance of choice as if under compulsion, automatically, reactively, and without control. We were slaves to our addiction. Today, we have a choice. The 12 steps help us, especially here at AZHouse and in the meetings, to learn to face life as it is, without addictive substances. We focus our lives on God as we understand Him today. We talked about our worst, most destructive habits that repeatedly drove us deeper into addiction in the past. These destructive behaviors can still have a hold on us today and jeopardize our recovery, leading to relapse and sometimes even death. I began by stating that everyone in the room is a miracle, because the normal state for an addict is to use their addictive substance. I began to honestly report on my worst behaviors, which often try to draw me back into their spell even after a long time in recovery and sometimes still have power over me. These are: anger, rage, fear, rebellion, self-pity, blaming others for my misery and playing the victim instead of taking responsibility. Many could relate to this and added their own destructive habits, such as isolation, secretiveness, unwillingness, violence, sex addiction, i.e., cold-bloodedly using people for their own gratification, lies and deceit, etc. The 12 steps, the program, teach us radical honesty in admitting these attitudes and character deficits.
Today, we have a choice: we can go to the next meeting, we can call a friend from the program or our sponsor, we can pray, we can turn to God and ask for His help, we can focus on working the 12 steps. In other words, we walk out of the darkness of destruction into the light of life in recovery.
In Beersheva, at the Russian Messianic Rehab Center, we were going through the same topic. When I entered the room, I was particularly happy to see a young man who, three weeks ago, was on the verge of leaving the rehab center. God often works His miracles quietly and inconspicuously when we reach out for them, when we are ready and open to them. He took a first step by admitting that he suffered immensely from thinking he was always right or always knew better. He is beginning to understand that his thinking is not the “center of the universe” and that others also have helpful thoughts and, possibly from their experience with God in the 12 steps, know better what is life-building and affirmative than all the destructive beliefs and behaviors that end in destructive addiction. Others spoke of their isolation as their worst destructive behavior. We declared that:
1 John 1:9 (TLV)
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness,” is the truth, and we are allowed to grow into this daily process, which is still very difficult for many. It is good to know that there are no hopeless cases for God and that He works above and beyond our understanding when we follow Him together and help each other in the process.
Thank you for your prayers, which I urgently need to continue building this ministry in God's hands.
Shalom, Joachim
Freeindeed Anonymous updated their status.
Hello dear friends, fellow campaigners, and supporters of FreeInDeed
On Sunday, July 20, I was back at AZHOUSE in Jerusalem and then at the Russian rehabilitation center in Beersheva.
In both facilities, the focus was on the second step: believing that a power, God, can and will restore our spiritual health, specifically by taking the first steps in faith. Uncompromising honesty toward oneself and God is an essential key to experiencing God, for many initially the Higher Power, as helpful and effective.
Step 2: We Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
The Blue book of Narcotics Anonymous expresses it in the chapter of Step 2 as the following:
„In this program, the first thing we do is stop using drugs. At this point, we begin to feel the pain of living without drugs or anything to replace them. The pain forces us to seek a Power greater than ourselves that can relieve our obsession to use.
The process of coming to believe is similar for most addicts. Most of us lacked a working relationship with a Higher Power. We begin to develop this relationship by simply admitting to the possibility of a Power greater than ourselves. Most of us have no trouble admitting that addiction had become a destructive force in our lives. Our best efforts resulted in ever greater destruction and despair. At some point, we realized that we needed the help of some Power greater than our addiction. Our understanding of a Higher Power is up to us. No one is going to decide for us. We can call it the group, the program, or we can call it God. The only suggested guidelines are that this Power be loving, caring and greater than ourselves. We don’t have to be religious to accept this idea. The point is that we open our minds to believe. We may have difficulty with this, but by keeping an open mind, sooner or later, we find the help we need.“
Let’s share our experience, strength and hope regarding this important Step 2.
That’s what we did. Fears, anxiety, shame, potential spiritual and religious abuse, and other reasons were identified as potential blockages, which could hinder us starting to believe and developing an approach to a loving and caring God. I always appreciate honesty in sharing experience, strength and hope. We had a challenging time and not every question found an answer, but there was more than enough on the table, that everybody could have had his own pic what might be regarded as useful.
I personally can relate pretty much to the following expression of the God of my understanding, the GOD of Israel, as he revealed Himself in the Tanakh and the Good News:
Psalm 103, verses 2 to 5, Chabad.org translation.
2 My soul, bless the Lord and do not forget any of His benefits. 3 Who forgives all your iniquity, Who heals all your illnesses. 4 Who redeems your life from the pit, Who crowns you with kindness and mercy. 5 Who sates your mouth with goodness, that your youth renews itself like the eagle.
In Beersheva we had a little different approach, because of the nature of the rehab center, which is a messianic believing center.
Step 2 - Start to believe
STEP 2
We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could set us free and heal us in the process of restoration.
Let’s share our experience strength and hope. Let’s be honest with ourselves and each other about our beliefs and no beliefs, our doubts, anxieties, or whatever might hinder us from being able to believe.
We had a pretty much challenging struggle about what we believe or do not believe. One of the guys was very challenging and took himself too seriously, so that others were left out or left the room. It's a good thing that the FreeInDeed rules don't allow this and that we managed to “bring him back” in a constructive way. The bottom line is that uncompromising honesty and a willingness to take small, cautious steps in believing in God, a Higher Power, are a crucial foundation for our recovery. After praying together, we ended the FreeInDeed meeting and can look back with gratitude on the many treasures of different experiences and first steps in faith.
Psalm 103, 1-5
1 Of David. Bless Adonai, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy Name. 2 Bless Adonai, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits: 3 He forgives all your iniquity. He heals all your diseases. 4 He redeems your life from the Pit. He crowns you with lovingkindness and compassions. 5 He satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like an eagle.
What you believe in your life is a powerful force.
Whether you believe it or not, the very fact that you are in recovery shows, that something other than the God of the Bible has been controlling at least a part of your life. So regardless of how much you know about God or doubt about God, try to be honest with yourself and seek help if necessary to work thoroughly through step 2.
With this in mind, I thank you sincerely for your prayers and remain with a grateful Shalom in the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and in Yeshua, Joachim.
Freeindeed Anonymous
Step 1 and what now?
FreeInDeed Anonymous, 13.07.2025
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.
I challenged the guys in the AZHouse to think about life outside the Rehab Center after completing the nine months. Facing life on its own terms, unable to control circumstances, situations, and people with a clean and sober mind, is more than just a “nice to have moment.” I shared my experience: just a prayer stood between me and using again, even after five years of sobriety. We also discussed how neuroscience shows pathways in our brains formed during our drinking or drug use. As we change our habits and attitudes by working the steps, attending meetings, and talking to our sponsor, counselor, or life coach, new pathways are built, and the old ones “dry out,” so to speak. But this doesn’t mean our “Allergy”, our addiction vanishes, its still there, waiting for us we may give in.
Take a moment to consider: What is your most typical addictive reaction that led you to use in the past? Can you identify your most powerful trigger? Why is this challenging issue so important for you, right here and right now?
We shared our experiences, strength, and hope concerning our most powerful triggers that led us to use. We reminded ourselves that we now have a choice and are no longer compulsively forced to drink or use. We must make responsible decisions. We can go to a meeting, call our sponsor, pray, and ask God for help. Whatever helps us not to drink or use drugs is welcome. We practiced these tools at AZHouse and are challenged to use them, which is okay. We are not alone anymore. Thank God.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t go to Beersheva because I got sick suddenly. My stomach was causing me a lot of pain, and I had to spend a lot of time in the bathroom. I asked the two Sergeys to start the FreeInDeed meeting and sent them the concept I received through prayer. Here it is:
Step 1 and what now?
- Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction and destructive patterns, that our lives had become unmanageable.
Think for a moment: What is your most typical addictive reaction that caused you to use in the past? Can you identify your most powerful trigger? Why is this challenging issue so important for you, right here and right now?
Psalm 34:5 – I sought Adonai, and he answered me; he rescued me from all my fears.
Romans 7:18-19 – “For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do – this I keep on doing.”
“I once despised powerlessness, thinking it was a weakness only for those who were mentally ill. I pitied those in AA until I surrendered and admitted, ‘I’m powerless, I can’t help myself, I need a Power greater than myself, or I’d be lost to death.’ It was one of my greatest challenges to admit, ‘I can’t manage my life anymore, I’m done, I’ve hit bottom, I’m powerless over my addiction.’
This realization came on my first night in prison in October 1983.
Today, I experience the first step every single day in various ways. I can handle my life much better than 40 years ago, but I must still admit daily that I can’t manage my life the way I want. My control is limited.
I’m powerless over situations, people, and things happening as they do. I’m powerless over my true self, my feelings, hurts, habits, dependencies, and addiction. I’m powerless over sin and my sinful nature. I’m powerless, but I’m not helpless, thank God.
Thank you for your ongoing prayers, yours in Yeshua, Joachim
Freeindeed Anonymous
Dear family, friends, and interested readers,
I am happy to report back to you about last Sunday (July 6, 2025) at AZHouse in Jerusalem and at the Russian Messianic Rehabilitation Center in Beersheva.
4th Step of AA - We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
I started by sharing my experience during the last years, that the 4th Step never ends, it’s a lifelong process of facing again your faults, wrongs your hurts and traumata. Also, in combination with Step 10, where we promptly admit our wrongs as far as they occur, it’s a never-ending story to take responsibility for ourselves.
Being in a 12 Step Rehab Center is a 24/7 challenge in being confronted with our resentments and the resentments of others. So, I suggest starting with the inventory of our resentments, as written in the Big Book of AA-. We shared our experience, strength and hope how we did write an inventory of our resentments. One friend shared that he wrote about more than 200 resentments in his list.
We talked about starting to write a list of resentments, including 1) people and institutions, 2) the cause, 3) affects my: … . This is the first approach of the Big Book of AA, suggesting how to start a 4th step.
From the Big Book of AA: “We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished, we considered it carefully. The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us, and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to get our way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived.”
We talked about how much it became a habit during our using and drinking time to blame others for what we did and that working the Steps helped us to see our part in our story and to develop responsibility for ourselves. One friend shared his anger and hate with another guy who used to bully and beat him badly. He was told to write this guy a letter and bring all his anger, hate, and inner struggle to paper which helped him a lot. I shared my experience with forgiveness in case of anger and hate after going through a struggle of inner resistance, rebellion but finally forgiving. Forgiving releases myself to freedom and the other person in God’s hand. I give up control.
Experiences of different approaches to Step 4:
• Follow the instructions of the Rehab Center
• Follow the suggestions of your sponsor.
• Follow the suggestions of your counselor, Live Coach, Therapist
• Follow God’s Guidance, which I prefer out of my experience in the following way through prayer: God loves me and knows better than me what I’m capable of to face and to admit.
In the Russian Messianic Rehab Center in Beersheva
STEP 4 of FreeInDeed Anonymous
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. We asked God to reveal us our sins, shortcomings and character defects.
Why is Step 4 coming after Step 3? Think about it. Step 1 to 3 gives you a firm foundation to face Step 4. Why is this so? Think about and write down your thoughts or talk to your leader about it.
Here is my experience regarding this issue, question: First comes my admission of being powerless over my addiction and that my life has become unmanageable. The second step is to believe that there is a Higher Power, God, as far as I understand Him. The best case would be you already honestly believe that Yeshua is Lord and God, and you are already in a personal relationship with Him. The third step is to give your live and your will in God’s hand. Now you can face your sins and bad deeds and faults, wrongs, your character defects, because you are already in the best place one can be, in God’s Hands.
You’re in a Rehab Center, which means you are living together with other guys, with your resentments and their resentments. This could be sometimes a tough challenge. It would be a wise decision to start your inventory by facing your resentments.
We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished, we considered it carefully. The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us, and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to get our way, the worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived. We shared our experience in how we were used to blaming others for our misery and even didn’t realize it. Now we learn to see our part and are growing in the ability to take responsibility for our part, our wrongs and character defects.
A good approach from my experience to take the fourth step could be the following:
Praying for guidance before taking the step is always the best approach. Only God knows how much and what I could bear and when, because He loves me and cares about me. I’m safe in His guidance and I don’t have to fear facing my past. David is giving us a good example for such a prayer in Psalm 139.
Psalm 139, 23-24 (CJB)
23 Examine me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. 24 See if there is any hurtful way in me and lead me along the eternal way.
One friend shared his anxiety to pray this prayer because of the potential consequences which might follow. That’s okay, God meets us always right where we are and not where we would like to be. One step after the other and one day at a time. After praying together, I got myself back home to Jerusalem.
Thanks again for all your prayers which are most appreciated.
May Yeshuah guide us in His Shalom, Joachim
Freeindeed Anonymous
Dear family, friends, and interested readers,
I am happy to report back to you about last Sunday 29. June at AZHouse in Jerusalem and at the Russian Messianic Rehabilitation Center in Beersheva.
Normally, I go to AZHouse to share my experiences with the 12 steps, my journey to freedom, and what God has in store for me. This time, it was the other way around. I was the one listening and learning. Shortly before I arrived, one of the residents had apparently left the rehab center and gone his own way, meaning he had left the house.
So the house group took up the time I normally have from 11 a.m. to 12 noon. I just stayed seated and listened, which was very beneficial and instructive for me. Basically, I am extremely enthusiastic about this 12-step rehab facility, which consistently lives a new life with the help of the 12 steps and encourages each participant to build a personal relationship with God as the center, the linchpin of a new, addiction-free life.
I was reminded again of the importance of serving others, of not focusing excessively on myself, but of always keeping an eye on the “newcomer,” my neighbor, and being ready to serve him with what I have. This is basically a central message of the Tanakh and the Good News. I am very grateful for this great blessing that I was able to experience there.
Based on an excellent AA meeting last Friday morning, where the topic was fear, I prepared myself for Beersheva in prayer as follows:
Genesis 2:25 (Chabad Org) Now they were both naked, the man and his wife, but they were not ashamed
Genesis 3:
1 Now the serpent was cunning, more than all the beasts of the field that the Lord God had made, and it said to the woman, "Did God indeed say, 'You shall not eat of any of the trees of the garden?‘“2 And the woman said to the serpent, ”Of the fruit of the trees of the garden we may eat. 3 But of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, God said, “You shall not eat of it, and you shall not touch it, lest you die.’” 4 And the serpent said to the woman, “You will surely not die. 5 For God knows that on the day that you eat thereof, your eyes will be opened, and you will be like angels, knowing good and evil.” 6 And the woman saw that the tree was good for food and that it was a delight to the eyes, and the tree was desirable to make one wise; so she took of its fruit, and she ate, and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate. 7 And the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked, and they sewed fig leaves and made themselves girdles. 8 And they heard the voice of the Lord God going in the garden toward the sun, and the man and his wife hid from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 And the Lord God called to the man, and He said to him, “Where are you?” 10 And he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I am naked; so I hid.” 11 And He said, “Who told you that you are naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” 12 And the man said, “The woman whom You gave [to be] with me she gave me of the tree; so I ate.” 13 And the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” And the woman said, "The serpent enticed me, and I ate.
"Fear and shame, the first reaction of mankind to sin, failure, iniquity, and disobedience."
Where are you right now, what kind of fear and shame can you identify in your life right now?
Which of the 12 Steps are you working on to find progress in gaining freedom from fear and shame?
Together, we realized that basically nothing, absolutely nothing, has changed within us since then. we are still slaves to our sinful nature, to evil thoughts that become actions when we give in to them, to fear, shame, denial, disobedience, rebellion, blaming others instead of confessing my own sins and mistakes, accusing God and blaming Him.
But wait, there is a way out of this slavery: God's love has taken our sin, our guilt, out of love and longing for fellowship with us, in and through Yeshua, His Son, who remained sinless, on the cross in our place, so that we may live by grace in this new freedom of resurrection and grow more and more into it.
We have discussed very passionately, critically, and intensively what this means in detail and for us personally, lived out in everyday life, which has been very beneficial and enriching for all of us.
Thank you for your prayers, which I need as much as the air I breathe. Thank you very much, Shalom, Joachim
Freeindeed Anonymous
Hello everyone,
After not leaving the house last week due to the war, I finally made it back to AZHouse in Pisgat Zeev, Jerusalem, yesterday. Unfortunately, the Home Front Command regulations did not allow me to travel to the Russian-Messianic rehabilitation center in Beersheva. It was also too dangerous for me.
After 1-1/2 weeks of war, I realize that I clearly overestimated my emotional strength. Going in and out of bomb shelters, sirens, rocket alerts, worrying about my loved ones and friends here, my own anxieties - I underestimated all of that.
Thanks to God's Word, my wife, family, friends, and siblings who are praying for us, I am doing well under the circumstances.
For this special time, God once again placed the third step on my heart:
Step 3
3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
From the Big Book AA, Page 63, 3rd Edition
We were now at step three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: “God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do, Thy will always!”
36 to 37 years ago, a NA (Narcotics Anonymous) friend shared one of the most important experiences with me, a kind of understanding of what God's will means to her, during an NA meeting in Darmstadt, Germany: “For me, God's will, God, is showing Himself in every life-affirming expression, form.”
That is still a helpful thought and plumb line in my life today, and I want you to give this expression a chance and think about it.
Encouragement:
When you are facing a giant in your life right now, remember how David overcame Goliath, just with faith in the Almighty! So can you do, when your recovery seems to be the giant in your life, you cannot overcome by yourself.
I shared my experience, strength, and hope with these precious guys, brothers in recovery, and they also started to share. When I left AZHouse, I had a joy in my heart that I can hardly describe in words. Grace, abundant grace, every new day. Wow, amazing!
Shalom, Joachim
Freeindeed Anonymous
Dear friends,
Yesterday, Sunday, June 8, 2025, I spent the morning at AZHouse, a 12-step rehabilitation center for alcohol and drug addicts, to share my experience, strength, and hope in recovery and freedom from addiction.
The focus was on Step 3, which reads as follows:
3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
From the Big Book of AA, Page 63, 3rd Edition
• We were now at step three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: ”God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do, Thy will always! “We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him. We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person, such as our wife, best friend, or spiritual adviser. But it is better to meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea, voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once.
From Chabad.Org, Proverbs 3:5-6
5Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely upon your understanding.
6Know Him in all your ways, and He will direct your paths.
We had an intense exchange, where we shared many experiences about religion, God, and failure with God, lack of faith, and how the idea of God can develop and look different. It was simply good to exchange experiences in freedom and respect for one another.
I testified about how my faith has changed to this day. From New Age and Occultism, Native American beliefs, to a life-affirming force that I called God, to whom I prayed and received blessings. I reported that, after completely rejecting everything to do with Christianity, I now believe in the God of David, God, as He revealed Himself in the Tanakh and in the Good News. I reported that I had ultimately failed with all religious concepts and that, at the end of the day, only a daily life of grace in a personal relationship with God sustains and fulfills me and gives me a life worth living, dignity, and freedom.
In the afternoon, I drove to Beersheva, where I was able to hold a FreeInDeed meeting in a Russian Messianic rehabilitation center for alcoholics and drug addicts. Here, too, the focus was on the third step:
Step 3
We made the decision to entrust our will and our lives to the care of God, as far as we understood HIM in the complete Word of God, the Tanakh and the Good News.
Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in Adonai with all your heart,
lean not on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight
This was indeed a very different meeting from what I was used to. The mood was depressed, lousy, even tense, which confused me a bit at first. I prayed silently for guidance and wisdom, and God led me to share certain experiences with Him in the context of my becoming clean and sober that were not on my radar at all. In retrospect, it turned out that one participant was feeling particularly bad and was on the verge of dropping out of rehab. After the meeting and an intense time of prayer, this participant was changed and accessible again. New hope manifested itself. Thank God!
Then something else special happened to me. I was asked if I would be interested in holding a 12-step group in the middle of the drug scene in Tel Aviv, in the worst and most run-down area, at the “Day Care Center” of the Russian Messianic rehab organization. Of course, I accepted with great joy, as this had been my dream for a long time. So on June 12, 2025, our first FreeInDeed Anonymous meeting will take place in Tel Aviv, in the middle of the drug scene. Thank you, what an opportunity, I am very excited!
Please continue to pray, I am infinitely grateful for every single prayer.
Yours, Joachim