Love Addiction
Briefly explained
Love addiction is not an official medical diagnosis, but many of us know it from painful experience. It is a compulsive need for a relationship, for attention or for romantic intensity. One person becomes the centre of our life, and we cannot let go, even when the relationship hurts us. Some of us go from one relationship to the next, some cling to someone who is not available, and some live in romantic fantasy, chats and messages. Often it goes hand in hand with sex addiction.
Do you recognise yourself?
- Do you feel you cannot live without a certain person?
- Do you stay in relationships that hurt you, or go quickly from one to the next?
- Do you fall in love again and again with people who are not available?
- Do you spend hours in romantic fantasy, or in chats and messages?
- Does your sense of worth depend on whether someone wants you?
- Do you neglect God, your friends, your work or yourself for a relationship?
If you answered yes to some of these questions, you are not alone, and there is hope.
A spiritual view
Underneath love addiction is a deep hunger for love and belonging that only God can truly fill. When we expect a person to fill it, we put a heavy burden on them and on ourselves. Sexual integrity means that no person can become our god, our saviour or the source of our worth. When we find our worth in God’s love, we can begin to love others freely, without clinging and without fear.
The way to freedom
- Admit it. We are powerless over our obsession with a person or with relationships.
- Tell someone. Share honestly with a sponsor or a trusted member, before you write, call or meet.
- Set clear boundaries with your sponsor, for example around contact with the person you are obsessed with.
- Come to a meeting and work the Twelve Steps.
The boundaries that help most
HALT – when we are lonely, we are more exposed; tend to the need first. And take the First Step on the thought: the moment fantasy arrives, turn it over to God instead of wrestling it in your own strength. Daily Boundaries