Masturbation
Briefly explained
For many men, masturbation is the most hidden part of the struggle – often tied to pornography or fantasy, and rarely spoken about, even in recovery. Here we speak about compulsive masturbation: something we do to escape stress, loneliness or pain, that we cannot stop although we want to, and that leaves us feeling empty or ashamed. Many of us found that it kept the whole cycle of addiction alive, because it feeds the fantasy.
Do you recognise yourself?
- Do you masturbate to calm down, to fall asleep, or to escape your feelings?
- Have you tried to stop, and found that you could not?
- Is it tied to pornography, or to fantasies about real people?
- Do you feel empty, ashamed or alone afterwards?
- Do you keep it hidden, even from your sponsor or your group?
If you answered yes to some of these questions, you are not alone, and there is hope.
A spiritual view
God created us as sexual beings, and He called it good. Our desire is not dirty, and our body is not the enemy. But desire cut off from love, from commitment and from God turns inward and leaves us lonely. Having an urge and acting on it are two different things, and the urge itself says nothing about who we are. Shame feeds the cycle; compassion loosens it. There is no condemnation for those who come to Him, and His mercy is new every morning.
What helps in the moment
- Take the First Step on the thought: admit you are powerless over this one thought and turn it over to God.
- Play the tape forward: follow the thought to where it truly ends – not the promise, but the aftermath.
- Meet it with mercy: “I’m sick, not bad.”
- Move: get up, change rooms, pray, pick up the phone.
- Know your weak spots: late at night, alone, tired. Prepare for them ahead of time.
The boundaries that help most
When the Moment Comes (before, during, after) and HALT. Daily Boundaries